Look

Look into their soul.

Look into the world, you will find the answers are right in front of you.

The answers are inside you, they can try, but they will not always fool your body and soul.

I know what you think of me, its inside of me. If it is not, then you lie to me, you liar, I will never forgive you.

Look inside, look outside, one is a reflection of the other. Do not let your heart deceive you at all.

I teach myself the world with the lessons of others, that makes my world false.

I will strive to be real, whatever the cost.

Force me to deal with my demons, make me feel sick, there is nothing real about what you say, or what I say I will make this quick.

Tease and oppose me to expose my insecurities. So I learn that the answer to become secure is not in denying them, it is in accepting them and being grateful that they are yours.

Do whatever you can, to break my false personality, so when I look all I can see is freedom and the life energy that was being stored away from me.

Narrator

Narrator you speak to me and you can never decide, every time I speak to you, you divide. You split up and come at me with another story, the times you’ve contradicted yourself have been soo annying. Everybody is telling me something different, everybody has an issue with me. The life I live is never enough for anyone, they tell me I am not direct enough or cool enough or even myself enough. I find that there is no point at which I find contentment with what you tell me. My mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, mama, cousins, brother Khari, brother Reuel, Shanice, Jenise, Pastor, Chara, Uncle Arnold, Tyro, Ayanna, Cherisse, all of you that try to narrate, I hate you. You fuckers are now teaching me that there is no image or projection that you all use that actually matters. You fuckers learned this shit from you for-fathers, and then tried to teach me that there is something wrong or right with me-FUCK YOU ALL. I have not seen any positive enrgy stem from your alliance, only filtration of who I am. You tell me I am smart, or silly, or braindead, or annoying or I talk too much, or I don’t speak with substance, or I am awesome, or I have unlimited potential, or I am a success, or I need to calm down, or I am a great listener, or I talk too much, or or, fuck all of you whores. The time it took for me to realise that you don’t want me to succeed, I grew so much remourse. I don’t want to spend my time on no bullshit, attracting more shit to my life, just quit it Johan. Pure fucking good vibes, no time to wasteee!

These mother fuckers wasted my whole time, all this time, making me a person that I regret that I allowed myself to become. Through their influence, I have learned how to behave, my faulty brain has learned how to react to people for reasons that they create.

There is only one reason for their actions, they react to their biology. Everyone is a slave to their biology. But not me, I have surpressed my biological responses in exchange for the virtue that comes with mimicing the people that I value. It seems though that I have been valuing the wrong people. I have been valuing people that I do not want to be like. These people seem like they are worthy of leading my example, but they actually simply repeat the same process that I have been doping on their friends, family and valued ones. I therefore cannot expect what they represent to be of any true value, what they represent is a mere shadow of what they believe that they are – which makes me a shadow of a shadow.

All my life I have wanted to be a real version of myself, not necessarily the best version but always one that I can rely on for contentment. [As I am writing this I have uncovered my dependent mind process.] I have wanted to teach myself to follow the example of traits and actions that represent me. Through this I have followed what seems like my virtues, but have ended up using the biases of others to fall short on this desire. OSHO has taught me that truth stems from will rather than this desire I speak of. SO in truth, I have been false my entire life. OSHO has word that I respect, because he is himself, maybe I should not be following his teaching, however, I am more than 38% sure that his reasoning will guide me closer to my own  and the pros outweigh the cons.

 

I will Lawyer you

I will be your lawyer, because you don’t believe your own story,
People have taught you that they do not believe you,
People have taught you that their belief carries merit,
People are wrong usually, especially normal people that do not think,
I will show you that you are caught in the trap of people,
Like when I rebelled against my father,
When he would compare me to the other “people” in the class,
These people can’t even read and write properly,
Yet you compare me to those fucking cunts,

I will lawyer you because I know how shitty this feels,
The feeling when you don’t know how to express what you are saying,
But deep down you know what you have to say carries merit because it comes from you,
Because people try to teach you how you think by showing you false projections of yourself in their stories,
They tell you what they think you think,
Without the tools to express what you think,

I will be your lawyer to show you that the position that you acquired doesn’t have to be yours, the place that people tend to put you is not where you are meant to be, your experiences may have taught you one thing, but Lord knows that experience is a liar, the human capacity is limited only by the biological self, Everything else is fleeting.

So when they tell you that you are ___, Fuck them,
When they challenge you to act with attributes not of your personal experience, Fuck them,
They show you reflections of what could really be you,
Tell yourself your own stories,
You have the ability to assume the position along with your truth,
That falsehood you have been carrying is not necessary,
You don’t have to be a slave to your ego,
_____, this is your path to take,
Fuck, you need a lawyer like me to show you what comes from the world and what comes from you,
Them, they don’t know that we all need lawyers, so don’t let them judge you when I pull up, you are the one that actually puts in the work nonetheless,

I will lawyer you because you have lost your sense of self,
I have seen, heard and felt experiences similar in observation to yours,
I too am misunderstood, mistaught, misloved and missing my identity,

So let us share eachother in this moment, and connect magnetically

Outside

You go outside and its a battle field out there, and noone is there to help you through it. Maybe love is when you find someone that understands the battle and can really help you through it. Love doesn’t help you when you are far away from it though, unless you really believe they are with you and fill your mind with their words as you live. Without that memory or that person there with you to accept your energy, everything becomes a chaos almost.

Life is not fair, life is not here to soothe you, life is here to return your energy and give you whatever your energy asks for. I have had times where I would feel so helpless outside of my dorm, as though life is coming to get me at any moment, especially when I am helpless. But after going to the bathroom, and getting myself to calm down as I pissed, a thought came to me.

That thought told me that maybe the sanctuary that you call your dorm is not the sanctuary that is going to keep you safe all the time, soon you will have to go to the cafeteria. Your dorm is a crutch, and you can’t stay there forever and achieve your dreams at the same time, if your dreams and goals lie outside your room.

I also remembered something that I had learned earlier, that if I attempt to leave my body to wait on the energy of the world to soothe my injury, something will run me over as I stand. Nothing is going to let me stand there and do nothing and expect to give me something. Nothing is always around me, buy something lies some displacement away from me, and that is what makes it something. I need to also be in my body to receive it, or else it will be one of my reflections that receives it. My reflection is not connected to my soul, so if my reflection gets something, that does not necessarily mean that my soul will get it, the converse is also true. Outside of your truth, lies the lies, so don’t run away from your truth, nor your true presence, nor anything that represents truth within you or without you.

Your sanctuary will always be the area in which, nothing can draw your energy away without you knowing, or a place that leeches your energy, or near a person that hurts your being. The introvert has a sanctuary that is an object of himself, and the extrovert has a sanctuary within others. The type of vert that I would like to be right now is the sanctuary-that-is-an-subject-of-myself-vert. ahah. Life living.

Unlockable book

To create this, all you need is to have a button at the bottom of each page that tells the reader to go on.
Then the entire page up until that point will be copy/pasted.
Then the page will appear to extend, because the page will have faded transitions, and the book will go on.
It will be one paged, seemingly, with hidden pages so that noone can skip chapters to the end or whatnot, because its like a game for real. With multiple places to go and stages to slip through.
Then at the end it will have a big table of contents so that the reader could scroll through whichever chapters they would like at leisure. and the URL will have a code that must be entered in order to visit the site.
Not a bad idea Johan- You just had to use your brain.

Why I Can’t Control You

People do what adds value to their lives, and you are the perfect example. You want to give massages, but they don’t want your massages, because when you’re done nothing would have been added to their life. You think that understanding things before you jump in would help how you jump in, but confidence never required complete knowledge in the past. What makes you think that a complete understanding would help anything. The marketing schemes have fooled you into thinking that the most value is stored in the society, or has it been the society that has marketed themselves, and the marketers job is to be the lobbyist between the society’s marketing and the consumer of life.

Whatever I have ever wanted from someone else had to first be thought to be of value to me. I always assume that they have something to add to my life, which is why I want to be able to connect to everyone, because I believe that they have some latent information or merit that would benefit my life greatly. However, in reality this rule may be true, although they may not be capable of disparting this value or information to you, which makes them a waste of your time. This idea creates a nonchalence to the fellow human beings across the world. The human is usually expected to relate to one another, because of this value principle. In the current society, humans are meant to absorb all the information from one another- this is madness. People do not have such capacities to dispart and accept that much information. The goal should be to be able to find people that can dispart lessons in a manner that replicates the absoorbtion rate of the natural exponential rate. Nature is best in my belief, because it is the limit that we are subject to.

===========This is the crossroad between life and lessons===========
The connection between the context of my present life and the lessons that my life has produced is of paramount importance, one does not exist without the other. Therefore if you are in the mindset of priming your brain in a natural way, please read them in accordance with their natural growth.
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So the lesson is to only want what is not best, but what is meant for you. Wanting anything other than that which is actually meant for your current state is desiring what you do not and can not have, which is a set-up for not dissappoint ment, but  set up for expectation that something which is not meant for you is meant for you.

Do not confuse this idea with a self destructive principle, this idea is meant to draw you nearer to the natural state to which your existence retains the most energy and the most life essentially.

[deja-vu does not exist, it is a feeling of a feeling before that feels similar to the feeling being felt at the moment. An idea of the imagination, because we exist on a plane of time as well as consciousness, which makes phisiology a limited plane of ubiquitiousness to call a feeling the same. but in reality the definition it limited to physiology which makes the definition contextually correct.]

Energy

My parents, they gave me energy, energy that lied to me. I thought they wanted the best for me, but they really wanted something greater, they wanted to teach me that I was worth it. The world gave me energy that felt the same, but not identical, because i got the feeling that the world did not want what was best for my energy, it consumed it. The world vommitted ideas that I should be able to live without my parents’ energy, that I should pretend, dream and imagine that they were not there for me. The world was trying to show me how to make it to adulthood, but I took it without a grain of salt. I lost the inspiration that came from my parents’ unconditional love. The impulse to go after my goals irregardless of the world’s vommit died. Although I existed, I was born, I was a group effort, one that had the capacity to bring love and responsibility into this world. Whether or not my parents would have been together, or grew stronger in love because of me, or sacrificed their livelihoods for me, I was always going to be me. The child that made it past the age of consciousness. I am the child that made it past the mortality age, the child that was meant to live.

 

Being a child that was meant to live provides a large burden on the pressures of the world that most may or may not have observed. In reflecting on this past, My respect for the so-called unfortunate has been replenished and understood. The world does not love you enough to tell you what it is trying to show you. The world is tough. That could also be interpreted as the world does not hate you enough to deny you the opportunity to grow from the process of realizing your purpose. Live.

Do what brings you life, that is your purpose Johan. In any circumstance, whether you are in a line-talk to somebody about something you love that is relatable, if you are in your dorm-find something awesome to do in there, if you are taking a shit-explore how you can take a more awesome shit, if you have created a deadline for something-don’t avoid that task until you have finished that task, if you feel tired-do something that excites you until that fake tiredness(aka boredom or habit) has gone away. Inspire yourself to do what brings you more life according to your context.

Presence Check

Every day, as an exercise I want to regain my presence. In the past, I have found myself lacking the abaility to get up and surrender to the present moment. What has happened is that I either get up in the morning without any intentions and allow the energy of my surroundings & abits to fill me. Or I would carry on with an exercise that has been given to me, filling my mind with an idea, rather than with truth. This would transform into me becoming this robotic energy leech that has been awaiting a vessel. I don’t want to be a vacuum machine any longer, I want to be a vessel. I want to be able to fill myself with the presence rather than with an idea of the present.

The great works within my own mind has been stored for far too long. I can do the things that I want to do, as well as the things I don’t want to do, but I need memory to do so right now. In reality I want to transcend this need for memory, or this need to have to mimic the philosophy of another person. There is enough to mimic in the beauty of nature, in true nature. I have realized that I am not meant to mimic, I am a born creator. I was designed to produce my own, and mimic only what is of true natural context. These salesmen attempt to achieve the attributes of nature, but they can not, my mind has been caught in their maze for a very long time. i have been staggering trying to find the truth within the illusion, till I have made it to this position, tired. Tired of the spinning and comfortableness within a storm. I want to be true to my self, not stubborn. I want to project my energy into the world, rather than forcing other to give me energy.

Awekening myself is the intention, from the daydream I never got up from in that standard four classroom. I will constantly remind myself that life is in front of me, not in my mind.

AWARENESS IS MEANT TO AID ACTION

Awareness is meant to aid action towards the goals in mind. The goals of the mind have no limits, choose them in accordance with your desired destiny.

True contexts

The secret, a book I once hated, now is serving as help. Pessimism self pain hurt me into deciding that this book is a liar. In reality this book has the capability to mean many things, whether anti-reality or not. This book was meant for everyone, wherever you are in the scale of consciousness. Now I look at the book as another decent book that the majority has taken to reinforce its blind uncontextual virtue. The book has been interpreted by the masses and the minorities differently, and since the minorities include those that are values in society and the book is written to reinforce their principles, they are satisfied and project the book to the masses as pure value. These people are the lobbyists between nuanced ideas to propel society and the normal man’s narrative. Between the normal man, and the intentions of the high man. They work like clockwork, and only require money to become these people. Being a celebrity is something that you can take and transfer only where your influence carries merit. In different cultures, celebrities are required to represent different things. Imagine the difference between celebrities, before the world began sharing beliefs and virtues, compared between  each other across cultures. Those two celebrities represent different things, across different strata of the society as well.

This book freed me from feelings and ideas that I had wrongly after listening to Alain De Botton’s anaylsis on pessimism. Here are some of the concepts that I received from Steve Harvey’s summary on Youtube.

Like attracts like

You are a magnet, whatever you want and project, you will attract. ^ If I decide that I want to project kindness generosity and awesomeness into the world, it will follow me. From buying my favorite people lunch and being considerate of their time and their value, it will return to you. If you can conceive something, you can place a image in your mind. Your mind works partially with images, so be careful of incontextual thoughts without prethought

Ask, believe receive.

You don’t have to figure things out all the way to the end. Just do these steps to get where you want to go, by having faith in the process. Trust the process. Science encourages full understanding “saying, show me and I will believe” , faith encourages blind actions. Christianity frees you from the burden of needing to figure things out, or know exactly what to do.

Gratitude

The only way to get to another level is to accept and show gratitude for where you are. If you don’t accept it, you will be caught in the delusion trap. You will not be in a position to take action towards you position, rather you are taking action in a vacuum of thoughts and contexts. Be real with yourself.

Laughter

It attracts joy, and releases negativity- which means the same thing.